Hello, neglected blog. I’ve been having a quiet Bank Holiday inside, so far I’ve left the house three times, all to go to one of the local shops to buy junk food. I have, however, watched FOUR WHOLE FILMS. This is pretty good for me, as I really like watching films but never really do so. So to celebrate, here are some words I wrote about them. Please bare in mind that, although I did watch the first two entirely of my own volition, I was drunk at the time. I am telling you this not as an excuse but as context, as CONTEXT IS IMPORTANT. Onwards:

FANTASTIC FOUR: RISE OF THE SILVER SURFER (2007) **
Absolute fucking rubbish. Seriously. Writing more words about it would be a bigger waste of time than watching it was. It only gets more than one star because the Silver Surfer decides to provide Galactus with access to the Earth’s core by making a hole in the Thames just outside the Houses of Parliament, which is hilarious if you imagine Brian Haw and his hippy camp’s reaction.

SAVED BY THE BELL: WEDDING IN LAS VEGAS (1994) ****
This is so 90s it hurts. Zack and Slater have a discussion over who was tougher – Seagal or Van Damme – and at one point Lisa refers to some drifter dude they pick up as “some kind of grungy hippy”. Zack engages in some hijinks involving working as a male escort, Mr Belding shows up and it ends with Screech being chased by a fat woman. Minus one star because it included some characters from The College Years and JUST WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT. Also, I’ve been watching the last season of Nip/Tuck recently, which features a fair amount of Mario Lopez action. He can’t act any better but he also doesn’t seem to have aged in the last fifteen years. Score draw?

KILL YOUR IDOLS (2004) ***
Documentary ostensibly about the No Wave music scene that sprung up in the urban wasteland that was downtown Manhattan in the early 1980s, whilst also attempting to draw links with the NY music scene around the time it was made (so you get YYYs, Liars, Gorgo Bordello, ARE Weapons etc). Actual contents of documentary as follows: 30% awesome grainy live recordings of Swans/Sonic Youth/DNA etc, 30% Karen O saying “y’know”, 35% various scene Olds (mostly Lydia Lunch) complaining about the new bands being packaged/middle class/FAKES, 5% Jim Sclavunos telling a terrifying story about Lunch deflowering him in a toilet cubicle. Decent enough watch but a bit of a wasted opportunity.

AMERICAN HARDCORE (2006) ****
Similar premise to the above, but this time taking on the hardcore scene. Particular attention given to southern California and Washington DC for obvious historical reasons. Awesome interviews with Rollins and MacKaye, lots of great live footage (especially of Black Flag and Bad Brains), makers clearly knew their shit as loads of obscure bands and regional scenes covered, altogether a really interesting watch to someone who appreciates that sort of music but doesn’t realllllly like it that much.

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